


Big Boss gets WOKE

by Fargosis



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Abuse, Big Boss drinks the respect women juice, Boob humor, Challenge: Fic a Day in May, Crossdressing, Extreme Friendship, F/M, Female Solidarity, Funny, Gen, Groping, Harassment, Humor, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Negging, OVERBEARING friendship, Other, Seriously kaz is a creeper in this, Sexism, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Humor, Women Supporting Women, big boss supporting women, boobies, breast humor, do not if you like kaz, men crossdressing as women, non-con, the non-con and anxiety and recovery are all played straight but the tone is not heavy, toxic masculnity, when the person you hate is right, women supporting big boss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-06 05:08:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18844270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fargosis/pseuds/Fargosis
Summary: That was it! The final straw! Snake had had it! Smokey Rhino had been the third female recruit this month to come to his office and complain about sexual harassment and a culture of sexism and patriarchal abuse at MSF. Even Snake could admit that his goal would be meaningless if even his own men and women were divided by the borders of gender and social conformity, not to mention the precious time these matters were stealing away from both him and the women being affected. That was it, his hand had been played, there was only one course of action.





	1. Shopping for Watermelons

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING this fic is going to have serious talks and explorations on themes surrounding sexual harassment and assault, however this is not intended to be a 'dark fic', for those familiar with it, the overall tone is comparable to the Netflix series Tuca and Bertie

That was it! The final straw! Snake had had it! Smokey Rhino had been the third female recruit  _ this month  _ to come to his office and complain about sexual harassment and a culture of sexism and patriarchal abuse at MSF. Even Snake could admit that his goal would be meaningless if even his own men and women were divided by the borders of gender and social conformity, not to mention the precious time these matters were stealing away from both him and the women being affected. That was it, his hand had been played, there was only one course of action.

  
  


“Boss?” Ocelot, a valued spy and confidant back if only briefly from his outpost in Russia, asked “What on earth are you doing?”

 

“Ocelot,” Snake nodded towards him in acknowledgement “I need to go undercover,”

 

“Uh huh…” Ocelot nodded slowly, pacing around his superior, taking…..all of it in “Well I can certainly see you’re uh….in disguise….I just….why?,”

 

“Hrrrghhh….Smokey Rhino came into my office this morning and demanded that something be done about the sexual harassment problem and constant female oppression from within MSF,”

 

Ocelot parted his lips, it would certainly explain the dress….and those shoes….

 

“Boss”

 

“Hrrrgh? Yes Ocelot?”

 

“You don’t…..You’re not trying to infiltrate our ranks as a female recruit are you?”

 

Snake flashed Ocelot his signature grin, an inspiring gleam in his eye “That’s precisely my intention”

 

Ocelot sighed and brought a gloved hand to his temple “Boss…”

 

Snake looked at him, perplexed as he tilted his head “Hrrrgh what’s the matter Ocelot?”

 

“You...you are aware that all of our soldiers are held to a specific dress code and uniform standard, even the women?”

 

“But of course! It would be a foolish mistake to allow a rookie to wear anything less than absolute tactical necessity and--”

 

“Then why--” Ocelot began “--do you look like you’re on your way to ameauteur night at a San Francisco drag show?”

 

“I--” Snake stuttered, flustered, “I--I needed everyone to think that I am a lady,”

 

Ocelot exhaled out his nose “No. You need everyone to  _ believe  _ you are a female  _ soldier _ . A commanding officer who’s recruits think of as a lady is a laughing stock boss,” he stressed.

 

Snake looked down and shuffled awkwardly, this dress and shoes didn’t have a great range of motion….they weren’t tactical in any sense….he was starting to feel silly.

 

Sensing his boss’s embarrassment Ocelot offered snake a small smile “If I may, you are always free to ask me for my services and advice, I am a spy afterall--- _ your _ spy snake. I’ve constructed my fair share of disguises in my day.” 

 

Snake met his gaze and returned the gesture “Yeah--uh--thanks that would...that would be great”

 

Ocelot grinned a little wider, more organically, amused. “Oh, and FYI, you have about another hour in those shoes before your ankles give out”

  
  


Big boss didn’t think it would have been appropriate for him to ask how Ocelot knew that.

  
  
  
  
  


It took some time, but Ocelot was able to wrangle together one of their female uniforms large enough to fit the legend himself. “How’s that feel?”

  
  


“Its uh...a little baggy actually.” Snake squinted his eyes in suspicion “This isn’t an inter-”

 

“Slow your horses there partner, I was just getting to that.” Ocelot interrupted, setting 

down two round watermelons on the table. In his raised hand dangled a...oh...oh my….Snake instinctively averted his eyes away.

 

“Snake?”

 

“It’s uh...it would be rude of me to…” his face burnt something fierce. 

 

“Snake you’re going to have to wear this.”

 

“O-oh…” Snake put two and two together and the tips of his ears just burnt hotter “Uh...Ocelot?”

 

Starting to grow frustrated with Snake, Ocelot sighed “Yes boss?”

 

“I uh….” he stuttered, unsure how to phrase his concern “It’s just….the watermelons….”

 

Ocelot rolled his eyes, “Women do have  _ breasts _ you know Snake hadn’t you considered--”

 

Snake shook his head “No it’s just...aren’t they a little...uh...big?”

 

Ocelot frowned “what?”

 

“It’s just…” Snake started “I don’t think...there aren’t any women in MSF who are quite so….”

“Boss.” Ocelot cut him off “YOU are bigger than any woman at MSF,”

 

“Hrrrgghh….” Snake took a step forward, picking up one of the watermelons to inspect it closer “Still...I would uh...I was thinking maybe...wouldn’t cantaloupes be more uh….realistic?”

 

“Hmm...I thought about that, but I think it would make more sense to go a little bit bigger than a little smaller.”

 

“Why?”

 

Ocelot shrugged “Our women tend to run a little bit busty don’t you think?” raising an eyebrow before he was promptly slapped by Snake “Hey! Now just what was that for?”

 

“Don’t talk about women or their bodies like that!” Snake demanded, much in the same cadence as when he barked orders or disciplines at the cadets. “It’s what got us into all of this--” He gestured between his disguise, the watermelons on the table, and the bra Ocelot was still holding “--all of this mess!”

Ocelot closed his eyes and exhaled slowly “I suppose you do have a point--here--” he stepped behind Big Boss, “--here, allow me,” he said as Big Boss reluctantly unbuttoned his uniform and pulled it down his arms.

 

“Hrrrgh...Ocelot…”

 

“Yes Boss?”

 

“Are they...um….even?”

 

“I don’t understand what you mean, can you elaborate?”

 

“It’s uh...the uh…. _ melons _ ”

 

“Oh--” right,  _ that _ “--my apologizes boss, no uh...two  _ melons _ are ever perfectly identical, but I assure you that in uniform nobody will notice,” Snake averted his gaze, his ears still red before he redirected his attention to the mirror, Ocelot following shorty behind.

 

“Hrrrrgh” The difference in appearance was rather jarring to say the least, a disconnect between the snake in his head and the snake he saw now in the mirror, he turned slowly to get a better mental map of his altered figure.

 

“Well I’d say you look pretty good,” Ocelot paced slowly. “And with the hood nobody will be able to tell who you are,”

 

“But they’ll believe I’m a woman”

 

“Right,” he nodded.

  
“Hrgggh” Snake turned back to the mirror to further inspect his disguise. “Ocelot,” he finally said “...you don’t think the melons are  _ too _ small do you?”


	2. Chillaxing with the ladies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot shows Big Boss how to walk the walk.

“Good morning ladies,” The three female recruits turned to acknowledge the larger figure looming asides them, “Uhhhh….” Big Boss faltered with all eyes on him, trying desperately to remember what it was his female cadets talked about, “Nice day to um...swap tampons?”

 

Revolver Ocelot, standing back in the shadows as he often did, could not bare to watch another minute of his boss’s pathetic displays, as his shoulders slumped in rejection as the other three women walked away without another word.

 

“Um...a word soldier?” Big Boss jumped slightly as Ocelot tapped his shoulder,

 

“Christ you trying to kill me?”

 

“Hard to do when you were already dying pretty hard,” Ocelot shrugged with a smug smirk. 

 

Big Boss frowned “Hey! It...it wasn’t that bad for a first go!”

 

Ocelot just laughed and shook his head “Oh John, that was positively pathetic,” Ocelot couldn’t see it but Big Boss blushed under his mask, unable to reprimand Ocelot, knowing him to be right.

 

“So...what would you do?” Big Boss grumbled, only slightly defensive.

  
  


It was amazing, Big Boss had to admit. Ocelot looked so much like her on any given regular day, the sunlight always managing to catch his eye the same way, it only intensified the longer he let his hair grow. But this--this, somehow erased that connection entirely as Ocelot strutted across the deck in a very form-fitting uniform. He had even managed to somehow make himself smell more feminine and floral as he approached big boss, hands loosely resting on his waist and standing in such a way as to emphasize his hips. A challenging look in his eyes.

 

“You sure about that? Those melons look a little big on you”

 

“Shut up”

  
  


It wasn’t long before Ocelot had managed to wedge himself into a group of other women doing training exercises, his cadence was perfect, the way he titled his head and moved his hands as he talked, a seamless illusion of femininity. Then again….nah, Big Boss shoot his head and chuckled to himself from afar, just as Officer Kazuhira made himself seen.

  
  


“There better be a good reason an unauthorized soldier is training with my girls” Kazuhira barked in Ocelot’s direction.

 

“Apologies commander---” He offered a salute and straighted his posture “I’m one of the new recruits under Big Boss himself, he said it would be fine if I partook with your cadets in the daily training exercises before he could find me a proper role and unit” Big Boss couldn’t hold back his amused grin (not that anyone could see under his hood), good ol Ocelot knew that Kaz would never have the gaul to question the orders of  _ the _ legend himself.

 

Kaz just growled as he began to grow hot under the collar “Codename and Rank”

 

Ocelot bit his lip as his mind raced to find a combination of adjective and animal unlikely to have already been claimed “Wet Kitty, cadet”

 

Kaz’s eye twitched behind his signature aviators, he was in no mood for these types of shenanigans. He had a whole unit of new recruits to start on training regimen, and Ocelot and Big Boss were nowhere to be found, only adding to his daily responsibilities.

 

“Alright  _ kitty _ ,” he sneered “Since big boss hand picked you to join in for today, how about you lead the grunts in a 20 lap jog around the base, just to warm up.”

 

“Of course sir,” Ocelot retorted, a decibel higher than he had been speaking previously, hoping the overly cheery demeanor of his persona would rub the dirt in a little before he turned round and started to jog, followed by the others around him slowly. Not wanting to seem out of place Big Boss stepped out of cover and tried to follow himself---before he was cut off by Kaz.

 

“Hold it soldier!” Big Boss straightend out immediately. “I don’t believe I’ve cleared you either,”

 

“Uh...same as Kitty,” he muttered.

 

Kaz raised an eyebrow, it usually wasn’t like Big Boss to spring new recruits on him unannounced like him, then again….

 

“Code name?”

 

“Umm..” shoot, big boss hadn’t thought of that.

 

“Well I’m not going to wait all day soldier”

 

“Big B-uh...Big….Big Breast”  _ damn it. _

 

“Your...your codename is Big Breast?” Kaz repeated.

 

Big boss nodded quickly “Hrrrrrgh...I suppose it is a little...silly,” he admitted bashfully, averting eye contact, worried about being caught on his lie and having to explain the predicament to Kaz, who had enough on his plate as it was without having to worry about a potential sexual predator on the loose.

 

“No no...it suits you,” Kaz grinned, causing Big Boss to perk up himself, 

 

“Oh! Thank you sir,” he said with a salute, Kaz only chuckled

 

“Don’t mention it kid, now get on out there,”  Kaz stepped back and patiently folded his arms in front of his chest, watching as Big Breast effortlessly managed to gain a lap on Kitty, those big breasted skinny girls never lasted very long around here, he thought to himself.

  
  


Ocelot winced as the rough skin from the cantaloupes chafed up against his chest as they bounced in time with each stride.


	3. Food for thought

The mess hall was always buzzing with soldiers, both men and women, at this time of day. Big Boss resolved that now would be the opportune time to try and listen in, get a better sense as to how the female cadets talked amongst themselves, and maybe even some clues as to who the perpetrators of such cruel crimes could be.

 

He carefully watched and followed, as Ocelot had shown him how, sitting down amongst a few other women. His sigh of relief however was stiffened when one of the women instantly turned to look at him

 

“You’re new right?”

 

Big Boss nodded quietly, not eager to stick his men size 12 combat boot into his mouth again. The other woman grinned excitedly, even with her hood still pulled up he could see it in her eyes--

 

“--So then maybe you can settle this little debate once and for all; Big Boss or Kazuhira Miller---who’s sexier?”   

 

For as blank as his mind ran, his face burnt deep red, almost tempting him to reveal his identity if only to relieve the suffocating heat on his neck.

 

“Um...isn’t it uh…..a little inappropriate to--”

 

“--Ohoh you really are new!” the woman laughed, followed by a chorus of snickers and giggling from the others. Despite his name, Big Boss was feeling very small.

 

“Come on, don’t you at least think Big Boss has a cute butt? Those sneaking suits don’t hide much”

 

“Lizard! Didn’t you hear? She’s new! She probably hasn’t even  _ met _ Big Boss yet!”

 

“Oh! Well in that case she’s in for a treat--don’t get me wrong--Kaz’s arms are pretty sexy but Big Boss is just so….”

 

“--Mysterious” Political Jackrabbit cut in.

 

“--Yeah! That’s it! Mysterious!”

 

“--Now don’t get me wrong ladies, Big Boss does certainly have a  _ very _ nice ass--” Big Boss was just about ready to storm back to his office until he caught the gleam in the very familiar blue eyes of a miss Wet Kitty, “--buuuuuut there’s just something about that spy Revolver Ocelot, just a certain air of….refinement to him, don’t you think?”

 

Big Boss made a mental note to thank Ocelot later, the unbearably awkward silence that fell over the table served as the perfect cover for him to quietly excuse himself from the table. Still, he couldn’t believe such outrageous behavior right under his own nose! This was war--this was fighting for a better tomorrow for ALL soldiers, cute butts or not! Didn’t that mean anything to anyone any more? He sighed, maybe he’d have better luck eating with his men, he was undercover to find how they’d been treating his women in arms afterall, this was the perfect opportunity to do so.

 

“Afternoon men,” The soldiers all turned to look up at the intimidatingly large woman standing over them, “Is this seat taken?” silently they all shook their heads, eyes locked on the mystery lady as she sat down.

 

“You uh...you new?” One of the men gathered the courage to ask.

 

Big Boss met his eyes “Recruited just the other day,”

 

“Just the other day? Which unit are you on?”

 

Big Boss offered a shrug “Haven’t been assigned yet,”

 

“Well then uh...here’s hoping you get a good assignment,”

 

“Hey Aardvark!” One of the other men piped up “Weren’t you just talking about how your unit had an opening?”

 

“Shut UP Kangaroo!” The first man gritten through his teeth, his face burning red.

 

“Of course you’d have to put up with being the only woman,” Kangaroo commented slyly.

 

“Why?” Big Boss asked, puzzled, turning now to look at Aardvark. “Do you not allow women to join your squadron?”

 

“N-No! It’s not like that it’s just--”

 

“All the ladies join  _ my _ squadron instead”

Kangaroo scoffed “Yeah keep telling yourself that Digital Hamster”

 

Digital Hamster faked a laugh “Nah, my girls are pretty good but you know how they can be…”

“How?” asked Big Boss, sincerely curious.

 

“Territorial,” Hamster grinned, baring his pearly whites much to the chagrin of Aardvark.

“They must be very proud soldiers then,” Big Boss nodded, thinking of how even Kaz could be quite  _ territorial _ at times.

 

Aardvark rolled his eyes “He only means that he pits them against each other,

Hamster frowned “Hey!” he snapped, teeth barred once again.

 

“You make your squadron compete amongst themselves?”

 

“No! Well I wouldn’t---at the end of the day we’re all a unit--”

Big Boss nodded “Well of course, how better to boost morale and judge the physique of your men and women?”

 

Aardvark could only swallow dryly as Kangaroo and Hamster snickered out their asses.

“I uh...I think he means he only uh...judges the women…” he mumbled bashfully.

Big Boss’s eyes narrowed “You only judge the physique of your women?”

 

“What? Everyone does!” Kangaroo was cut off by a swift elbowing form Hamster.

“What he means is---is---we all look out for our sisters in arms! I mean...as men and all there are just…..”

 

“What he means is--” Kangaroo butted back in “---we want to be careful to make sure our sisters in arms don’t over exert themselves! Time recovering from an injury is valuable training time wasted.

 

Big Boss nodded,  “Hrrgh, I see, yes we should avoid unnecessary injuries whenever possible,” it was very thoughtful of his men to look out for one another like that and helped set him at ease.

 

“Exactly! And I-I mean some of these women are already coming in much smaller than…”

“But not you! I-I mean--” Aardvark stuttered nervously as Hamster shot him a look “I-I just mean I’m sure you follow protocol you just..you uh seem…uh...like a really good soldier, especially if you were recruited so suddenly miss uh….”

 

“Big Breast”

 

Loamy Aardvark choked.

 

“Big Breast?” a small smile spread over Ceramic Kangaroo’s face

“It’s uh...it’s a bit silly I know,” Big Boss stiffened a small chuckle, feeling rosy.

“What? No no! Much better than  _ Ceramic Kangaroo _ , it’s….strong! It suits you!”

“I do suppose I’m uh...a tad larger than most women…”

 

“I’d say,” Hamster’s eyes dropped below eye level with his comment.

 

“It’s tactical! You have a tactical advantage! 

 

Big Boss’s whole face lit up “Exactly!”

 

“I didn’t want to say anything, it’s awfully rude to make comments about a woman,” said Kangaroo “But your arms are impressive, right Aardvark?”

 

Loamy Aardvark thought he was going to die right there. Or kill Ceramic Kangaroo. Probably both.

 

A small grin painted against Big Boss’s face, it was a nice change of pace to have one of his subordinates ASK PERMISSION before commenting on his body. He’d have to talk with the female soldiers about being more respectful and grateful that the men were so courteous and polite.

 

“You you...uh..you look very strong--” he began to nod in agreement with himself “I’m sure you’d excel as an asset on any squad”

 

“Oh she has her **_ass_** _ets_ alright,” Digital Hamster snickered.

 

“I am more than just a solid wall you know,” Big Boss chuckled back, as though the joke hadn’t gone over his head.

 

“Of course,” 

 

“Don’t they say girls are smarter than boys?” Kangaroo commented cheekily, chin in his hands and a dreamy smile spread across his face

 

“Who says that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Digital Hamster shrugged “Probably other women,” he smirked as Kangaroo began laughing.

 

Big Boss’s eyes narrowed, so his suspicions had been confirmed, MSF was harboring growing misandrist attitudes.

 

“Well I’m not like other women---I believe in equality”

 

“Oh that’s a relief,”

 

“Always nice to meet a  _ real _ lady--one who knows how to take a compliment,” Big Boss couldn’t help but grin smugly at the comment, Ocelot’s disguise was working better than Big Boss could have hoped for!

 

“Y’know,” Kangaroo glanced at the other men at the table before turning back to face Big Breast, “We’ve stashed a few beers away, you know...for a special occasion, how’s about you come around the eastern men’s quarters tonight

  
Hmm...unapproved late night festivities? Well it wasn’t his original target but Big Boss supposed he could always reveal himself and make sure these troublemakers got what they deserved, even if he did have to admit that the gesture was sweet. He’d have to talk to Kaz about implementing recruitment parties in the future…


End file.
